Cash. Rules. Everything. Around. Me. Cheese

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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

                                                                                ~ W.C. Fields

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If the title makes no sense to you, then you need more Wu-Tang in your life.

Cream Cheese is one of those ingredients that can do many things. Add some sugar and you have great fillings for puff pastry, keep on going with eggs, milk and flour, and you can make one of God’s true blessings on this earth – Cheesecake. Or you can add some salt, herbs and garlic and make a spread for wraps and bagels, which coincidentally, is what I did.

This is another one of those recipes that I picked up when I first started cooking. Simple, quick, and tasty, what more could you ask for? If you enjoy a good wrap or a savory bagel in the morning, this is going to be your new best friend:

Cilantro Cream Cheese:

                                      8 oz ~ Cream Cheese
                        2 tablespoons ~ Heavy Cream or Milk
                         1 tablespoon ~ Cilantro, chopped
1 teaspoon (roughly 2 cloves) ~ Garlic, chopped
                          2 teaspoons ~ Lime Juice
                               To Taste ~ Salt and Pepper

I love the taste of Cilantro, but I know not everybody does. It’s one of those “love it or hate it” flavors, so it’s understandable if you don’t want to use it. This is a pretty flexible recipe so if you have a fresh herb you would rather use in place of Cilantro, give it a shot. Just keep in mind the strength of the herb and how much you put in.

• First off, make sure you leave the Cream Cheese out for a bit so it can soften. This will make working with it a lot easier. If you’re like me and lack the patience or memory to leave it out, just pop it in the microwave for 10 seconds at a time until it becomes easy to work with.

• While it’s softening, chop the Cilantro and Garlic and set aside. Once the Cream Cheese is ready, add the Heavy Cream or Milk (whichever you have on hand, but Heavy Cream is preferred), and slowly whisk it until it is incorporated nicely. 

In case you’re wondering, the cream is added to keep the product spreadable straight out of the fridge, which is a big deal since it's a spread and all. 

• When the Cream/Milk is mixed in, add the chopped Cilantro, Garlic and Lime Juice and stir it all together. Add salt and pepper to your liking.

And that is that. Keep it refrigerated and it should last a few weeks. This is good enough to sandwich in a tortilla wrap and eat it just like that. I should know, I buy tortilla wraps for actual wraps and instead I wind up eating them with just the spread. And you know what, I don’t feel any guilt whatsoever. 

The Sauce

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I don't think America will have really made it until we have our own salad dressing. Until then we're stuck behind the French, Italians, Russians and Caesarians.

                                                                                  ~ Pat McNelis

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Ok. So we all know that recipe.

If we don’t know one, we know of one.

The recipe everyone wants. That thing you made for a party one time that somehow became your legacy. The one thing that seems to resonate with everyone that tries it, even people who are not keen to having such delights. This recipe has the power to make you popular, which would have been awesome some 15 years ago, but now that you know better it’s a bit of a let down. It may have been handed down for generations; possibly found in a bottle floating in the Mediterranean or maybe it was just off of some blog… No one really knows but you, and since people act like this is the recipe that can spark love, cure diseases and save the world, you can look forward to getting stuck having to make it all the time.

All. The. Time.

Case in point: Look at the comment in my last post by my sister, asking for this recipe. I speak the truth!

Now, I’m not bragging or anything, but I have 3 or 4 of said recipes. A burden, I know. I’ve acquired and mentally recorded them from various places and times in my life, like any good cook would do. Trust me, I’ll let you know when I’m giving you one of these bad boys, so don’t fret about missing them. This one in particular though is special because it was one of the first recipes I ever learned in my career. And even back then the wetness behind my ears didn’t stop me from knowing that this was a keeper.

It may be hard to comprehend why it’s such a big deal, but once you taste it, you’ll understand that this is no ordinary… salad dressing.

Yes, yes. I said salad dressing. Wai.. Wait! Come on, hear me out, give it a chance. This dressing - or, The Sauce, as I like to refer to it - is practically liquid gold. Ever since the first time I made it and tasted it, the dancing it did on my taste buds made me feel like a kid again. The sweetness that it packs is front and center, but it can't mask the peppery kick that really brings it home. So simple, yet so rich and enticing, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re disappointed it’s not part of the main course.

It’s perfect for salads but could also be used for dipping fried shrimp or spring rolls, the dressing in chicken or fish wraps, or my favorite place to splatter it, inside quesadillas. There are so many uses for this nectar of the Gods, using it just for salads would be doing it an injustice. Although, it is a vinaigrette at heart, which means it does have limits. Like don’t go trying to heat it up or anything, it’ll just end in you crying over a messy pan.

So here I am, giving it to you. I hope you appreciate it the way I have, and I hope you enjoy it. I know you're probably thinking I'm building this up too much. Already counting on The Sauce being a disappointment or that you're not going to be skilled enough to make it. Well, first, The Sauce will never disappoint anybody, so never doubt it again! And secondly, it's so easy to make, it's stupid...


Chili Lime Vinaigrette (The Sauce)

             2 cups ~ Sweet Thai Chili Sauce

                 4 oz ~ Lime Juice

 3-4 good sized ~ Garlic cloves, chopped

           .5 bunch ~ Cilantro, chopped

              .5 cup ~ Sugar 

               1 cup ~ Canola (or Vegetable) Oil

           To taste ~ Salt & Pepper 

I highly recommend a food processor or stick blender for this. Or even a regular blender, it doesn’t matter. It can be done by hand, and it’ll taste exactly the same, but you won’t get the desired emulsion and it will always separate, causing you to shake it up before each use. Plus if you do it by hand, you’ll have to chop the garlic and cilantro with a knife, and nobody likes manual labor…

So I’m assuming you have a food processor or at least a blender. Here’s what you do:

• Rip off half a bunch of cilantro and wash it! The stuff I've seen come off of cilantro is no laughing matter. After it’s washed, throw it in the machine with the garlic cloves and chop it up. Once it’s all chopped, add the chili sauce, lime juice, and sugar. Turn on the food processor and sloooooooowly add the oil. A nice thin drizzle till it’s all gone. Then a pinch of salt and pepper and… That’s it! 

Slooooooowly

Really. You’re done.

Taste it to see if it needs more salt and pepper, but other than that, it’s finished.

If you need somewhere to put it just pour it back into an empty oil container. I always make enough that uses a whole bottle of oil so in there it goes. Store it in the fridge for about 2 weeks. If it lasts that long.

Good right? Easy? I know. Now, stop embarrassing yourself, and take the straw out of food processor. No one’s around, huh? Ok, fine. At least unplug the damn thing.

Buckle Up.. It's the Slaw

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Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray..

                                                    ~ Unknown

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Hello to the first day of Spring!!

Aside from a few of those in the North, it's been a rather mild Winter for most of us. But as of today it is officially behind us and a season full of new beginnings is set and ready to bloom. So what better way to ring in Spring than with an easy recipe for a tangy, refreshing side that is full of fresh flavors? Alright, there may be a few better ways, but not many!

In the middle of Orlando, located on Universal Studios property, I used to work at a huge Hawaiian themed hotel, which, out of respect, shall remain nameless. This post isn’t about the nightmare of working there, so don’t grab your popcorn just yet. No, this is about one of the few recipes that stuck with me since abruptly leaving in a fit of rage with my middle finger raised high quitting there many years ago. Just thinking back to those times makes me want to shut off the lights and rock back and forth in a corner, so excuse me if I don't dwell and share an extensive back story about this one.

I’m not sure of the origins of this recipe. I don’t know who first created it, or if it’s even something that is traditionally made in the region it claims to be from. I do know that it is rather tasty, borderline healthy, and goes great in wraps:



Asian Slaw:

  1 head ~ Nappa Cabbage, shredded
      1 ea ~ Red Bell Pepper, julienned
    1 cup ~ Carrots, shredded
   ¼ cup ~ Cilantro and/or Mint, chopped
   2 cups ~ Apple Cider Vinegar
    ½ cup ~ Sugar                                                                                                                     To Taste ~ Salt & Pepper

See? Easy peasy Japanesey! If you do a search for Asian Slaw you will find a bunch of recipes with ingredient lists longer than your arm, consisting of just about every Asian-esque ingredient known to man: Soy sauce, sesame oil, bok choy, bean sprouts, ginger… I’m sure it all tastes great and contribute nicely to the slaw, but it’s a side dish. And I’m not going to be buying all these things I don’t normally have on hand for just a side dish. Out of your freaking mind…

No, this is totally easy and consists of things you could use for everyday cooking, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you have most of it on hand already. It may not be an "official" Asian Slaw, but who the hell cares? Well, besides The Food Police, but nobody really likes them anyway. The original recipe called for mint, which is one of those herbs I love but won’t get much use out of it if I buy a bunch. So if you want to spring for it or have it already, use it, it adds a whole other level of freshness to the slaw. I replaced it with cilantro because it’s easier and way cheaper to buy. If you want both, do both! Also on the original recipe was fish sauce, but even when I was making this at the hotel I skipped the fish sauce. Some things just should have never been invented.

If you've never heard of or seen Nappa Cabbage, you can find it in most produce departments, and it looks like this:

It's crisp and great for making slaw. You'll also get a lot of product out of one head. 

• First you’ll want to find a container big enough that you will be able to comfortably toss the slaw. Now get a mixing bowl and pour in the Apple Cider Vinegar and the Sugar. If you've never worked with Apple Cider Vinegar before, I would not encourage your curiosity to take a sip. It’s a little strong for my taste, although, if you do, let me know how it turns out. Whisk the Vinegar and Sugar together and set the bowl aside. Then slice your Nappa Cabbage in half length wise (like pictured above), and clean it! Run cold water over it and make sure you get it in there, you don’t want any legged or winged surprises. 

• Once it’s clean set it flat on your board and cut it in half length wise again, then start chopping it from the top. You’re looking for a nice small thickness to the shreds, not something super thin. Think coleslaw. Once the entire cabbage is shredded, cut the Red Pepper julienne (thin strips) to match the cabbage. Once the pepper is sliced, you can open up your bag of shredded carrots and throw a cup (or same amount as the pepper) into the bowl. …What? You think I’m going to waste time shredding a carrot? Do you know me?? Next, chop up your Cilantro and/or Mint and throw it in with everything else.

• Now wash your hands because you’re about to get dirty. Get the dressing, and whisk it once more to make sure all the sugar is incorporated, and just pour it into the slaw. Roll up your sleeves and start mixing, toss the slaw well and make sure everything is properly distributed and is evenly dressed. Once it’s all mixed, give it a taste. 

If you feel it is way too tangy you can add more sugar, as well as salt and pepper to taste, but you have to make sure you toss it really well again so what you just added can get into the dressing. Once you’re comfortable and happy with it, wrap it up and put it in the fridge. It’s nice and fresh now and totally fine to enjoy, but it’s going to be able to blend and get a lot more happier overnight. It’s also going to shrink down once it starts soaking up the liquid. So the next morning you can probably transfer it into something smaller.

Notice how much it shrunk down in just a few hours.

I absolutely love this in a grilled chicken wrap, or even fish or shrimp. You can also go nuts and throw it on a sandwich. What you do with it is your business.

And that’s it! As I said, I’m not totally sure if this Asian Slaw is even Asian, but it is yum and not to mention a perfect way to welcome Spring in to your kitchen!