The Garlic of the Gods

I’ve been in this garlicy, bready kind of mood lately, have you noticed?

Nah, I bet you didn’t. But if you did, you’re probably wondering what I have up my sleeve next.

Go ahead, guess..

(If you guessed bread, I’ll give you another chance to guess garlic….)

Yes! Garlic! Good guess.

There has to be hundreds of things you can do with garlic, but today I’m just focusing on roasting it. If you’ve never roasted garlic before, first of all - it's easy, second - what is the matter with you?! You have no idea what you’re missing. Might as well be living under a rock! I have half a mind to go all Forrest Gump on you and start listing everything you can do with roasted garlic, but I can’t do that because I’ll run out of bandwidth!

Roasted Garlic:

                         1 cup ~ Garlic Cloves, peeled

                        ¼ cup ~ Extra Virgin Olive Oil

               good pinch ~ Salt and Pepper

Notes:

• There are a few ways this can be done. Wrapping with aluminum foil, roasting an entire head of garlic, etc… But here, I’m working with already peeled garlic cloves. It doesn’t matter how it’s done because in the end, roasted garlic is roasted garlic.
• If you don’t have an oven safe dish or anything else to use for it, you can use some trustworthy aluminum foil. By trustworthy, I mean some that isn’t flimsy and tears easily. And just close up the garlic and oil in the foil and seal it good, then put it on a sheet tray in the oven in case any mess occurs.
• The amount of Olive Oil you use will depend on what you're putting it in. You want enough oil so that the garlic is for the most part submerged. Which is why I would recommend a smaller dish to prepare this in. 
• If you want to roast more garlic then by all means, go nuts! If it takes longer than the time this takes just keep an eye on it until the garlic is brown.

This recipe is so easy, my brain is hurting from trying to figure out a clever fashion in which to begin to describe the ways that this is, in fact, the easiest recipe to successfully attempt in your kitchen:

• Preheat your oven to 350°. If you’d like, and what you’re using fits, you can go ahead and use your toaster oven if you want. That’s how I did mine here.

• Find a small dish that can go in the oven, even a sauté or sauce pan will do. If you don’t have anything small, use foil like I said in the notes. Put the garlic cloves in your dish and then pour in the oil and season with salt and pepper. Then cover tightly with aluminum foil and put it in the oven for 40-45 minutes. After about 40 minutes, check it. If the garlic is a bit brown and can be easily mashed then it’s done.

You can take the garlic out of the oil and do a number of things with it from mashing it and putting it in mashed potatoes or a spaghetti sauce, or even just eating it straight up like what happened to that poor clove on my fork.

When you roast garlic, it becomes sweet and very smooth, so eating it straight up will do nothing but make you want to eat the rest of them straight up.

You can also put it in room temperature butter and then freeze it to make a compound butter that would be perfect for steaks or vegetables or rubbing on your body. Or you can just put it straight on some crusty bread and be the happiest person on the block. The possibilities with roasted garlic are endless.

But the fun doesn’t stop at the garlic. See that oil you roasted it in? That is now garlic oil! Infused with all the flavor of the garlic, that oil went from great to downright amazing. Keep it in the fridge for a few days if you need to, never at room temperature, but it probably won’t last. It’s perfect to make garlic bread, vinaigrettes, or to just use for dipping.

Be careful keeping it though, if you scroll towards the end of this page you’ll see garlic and oil are not great bedfellows when it comes to storing.

And that’s that. Roasted garlic. Get to it, make it, and start your life anew.

Pie Hard: With a Vengeance

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                                  Mmmm… Pie Pants…

                                                              ~ Homer J . Simpson

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Nothing is homier than a freshly baked pie.

Many believe that the Ancient Greeks originated pie pastry…

This has me wondering… They are also believed to be the discoverers of the mathematical constant π, or Pi, which coincidentally is 3.14. Why is that coincidence? Well, what do you get when you flip 3.14 around? You get 41.3, or… PIE! As you may know, π is the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter. What shape is a pie almost always in? Uh huh… I’m pretty sure the Greeks discovered the irrational number of Pi while digging in to some pie!

Ah, the inspiration food brings. So strong, even back then.

Anyway, a good pie crust is hard to find. For some, it’s hard to make. Everyone always wants that nice and flaky crust, but there are a few factors that just never add up.

The pie crust has got to be my favorite part of the pie. It doesn’t have any flavor compared to whatever filling it’s holding, but the crisp, flaky texture, coupled with the filling; it’s almost a perfect combination when done right:

Basic Buttery Pie Crust:            (From here)

                    1 ¼ cups ~ All-Purpose Flour

                 ¼ teaspoon ~ Salt

                         ½ cup ~ Butter, chilled and diced

              2 tablespoons ~ Butter, chilled

                         ¼ cup ~ Ice Water

This is a basic crust that is going to get the job done. Some recipes have you using lard and other ingredients to complicate it. It's pie crust, not rocket fuel. This recipe is going to give you enough for a 9 inch pie. If you want a pie with a top crust, double this, then cut it in half just before rolling.

And keep in mind, when I say chilled butter, I mean freaking cold. Many swear by the butters temperature being the key to the pie crust. I can't say I disagree. 

• In a bowl, combine the Flour and Salt. Spread out the diced Butter and work it in to the Flour until you get something that looks like bread crumbs. If you squeeze some in your hand, it should hold together and not fall apart. At this point, I like to add about 1 or 2 tablespoons extra of cold Butter, but don't smush it completely in. Keep it in little bits and chunks so that when it bakes, the crust has this little flaky pockets of buttery goodness.

• Add 3 tablespoons of the Ice Water and mix. From there, add 1 tablespoon at a time until you form a ball. Once the ball is formed, wrap it up and refrigerate it for at least 4 hours or overnight.

The dough can keep in the fridge for about 4 days, or if you want to keep it in your freezer just in case you need an emergency pie (we’ve all been there), you can store it in a freezer bag for up to 3 months.

• When it’s ready, add a little flour to a working area and roll it out using a rolling pin. 

Or if you’re like me and you sadly do not own a rolling pin, a round coffee mug will be fine. Just don’t use glass or plastic, the glass could break under the pressure of rolling and the plastic may not be as strong. Ceramic is the way to go when rolling dough. …Unless you have a rolling pin.

• Once it’s about ¼ of an inch thick it should be ready to go in your vessel. Press it evenly around the bottom and sides and make sure it’s in there good.

• Fill it with your filling and bake according to the directions of the pie. If the edges start getting dark before the pie is ready, just wrap the edges with aluminum foil.

For Blind Baking, meaning baking the pie crust without a filling, which is something you do for custard or non-baked pies, then place parchment paper completely over the dough, and fill it with beans. You’re covering it with the parchment paper so that it doesn’t get crisp and eventually burn before it’s baked through. And you’re filling it with beans to weight it down, not only so it won’t rise up and bubble, but because you want it to cook evenly. Place in an oven at 425° for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, remove the parchment and beans and bake for an additional 12-14 minutes. Keep an eye on it though, not all ovens are created equal.

If you don’t have beans you can go without it (like I do). It’s not going to be catastrophic, but it’ll be just fine. Of course, results may vary. 

That’s it. You now have the freedom to make any pie you want! So go nuts and don’t forget to drop a slice for the homies. 

So Easy to Whip Up, You Can't Beat It

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Whipped cream isn't whipped cream at all unless it's been whipped with whips. Everybody knows that. 

                                                                   ~ Willy Wonka

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Let me guess…

You buy whipped cream in an aerosol can. No? Ok, then you buy it in a tub in the freezer section. Yeah, I knew it; I could smell your kind from across the internet. I mean I don’t blame you; it’s easy, just defrost and enjoy. Dip some strawberries, frost a cake, sandwich two chocolate chip cookies together, it’s convenient, I get it.

Well, like 95% of everything else we buy that is convenient for us, have you ever stopped to look at the ingredients of what you’re consuming? Ok, fair argument; if you’re sandwiching two chocolate chip cookies together with some “whipped topping”, I doubt you care about what is in it. Touché, sir. Well to quote a Wired Magazine article:

“A delicious blend of sugar, wax, and condom lube… At 41 cents per ounce, you're buying mostly water and air for just over twice what it would cost to whip real cream yourself.”

Sugar, wax, and condom lube. Mmmm, how do those strawberries taste now? Want the full ingredient list? Be my guest, although I should warn you, if you’re a fan of this stuff, ignorance is bliss.

Don’t feel bad, I used to eat this stuff all the time. Like we agreed, it’s convenient. Although, considering what I just read, I don’t know about you, but this stuff isn't going into my body anymore. Nope, if I’m getting fat, it’s going to be from something a lot more natural and better tasting. A man’s gotta have standards.

I hope I got the attention of whipped cream, or “whipped topping” lovers, out there. Because here’s a little secret: Whipped cream… it’s not complicated to make. It’s not rocket science, and it certainly doesn’t require 20 or more ingredients. If you make whipped cream at home, I promise you, it’ll be 100 times better than anything you buy in the store. Not only that, you’ll feel so much better about eating that chocolate chip sandwich:


Whipped Cream:

                           1 pint ~ Heavy Whipping Cream
3 generous tablespoons ~ Powdered Sugar
                 2 teaspoons ~ Vanilla Extract 

                1 tablespoon ~ Cocoa Powder (if you want chocolate whipped cream)

Yeah, it’s seriously that easy. This recipe is going to give you about 4 good servings of whipped cream, about enough to cover a decent sized pie. Also something of note: Another name Whipped Cream can go by is Chantilly Cream or Crème Chantilly. There are a few out there who consider them totally different, with the distinction being that Chantilly Cream is sweetened with sugar and vanilla, when Whipped Cream is not. But those are probably the same people who call a tomato a to-ma-to. So don't listen to them.

• Ok, first and foremost, whether you’re doing it in a stand mixer, using a hand mixer, or straight up whisking it by hand (old school, son), take the bowl you’re using and the attachment/whisk, and put it in the freezer for like 15 minutes.

There are a few benefits to this: First, the colder the cream, the easier it whips up. If the cream is not cold it’s going to be almost impossible to incorporate the air needed. And second, since it's colder, you're incorporating more air, and more air means you'll create a higher volume of fluffiness. So cold, cold, cold! If you had a walk-in freezer, I’d tell you to whip the cream in there. That’s how serious this is.

• While your equipment is cooling, you can make sure your powdered sugar  is free of any lumps and clumps (this especially goes for cocoa too if you’re using any). Some would say it's necessary to sift, but I get away with never doing it. If you don't knock out those clumps though, there's a chance you'll have little pockets of powdered sugar in your whipped cream. Not cool, man.

• Once everything is chill, pour the Heavy Cream into the bowl and start beating/whisking. Don't go away and do something because you'll come back to a bowl full of butter if you don't watch it. Keep an eye on it and watch for the different stages it goes through, not only to know when to continue with the recipe, but because it is cool to watch a liquid turn into a semi-solid before your eyes. You'll notice the cream changing, becoming thicker and thicker, and once it reaches soft peaks, stop whisking.

Soft Peaks is an official term when speaking of whipped cream or egg whites. It's when you can notice the cream taking shape, but not completely holding it yet. And Stiff Peaks is when the cream is sturdy enough to keep a shape. The way to tell the difference is by dipping the whisk into the cream, and pulling it straight up. You'll see a little mountain (get it? Mountain… Peaks? I can't make this stuff up) of fluffy goodness with the tip either flopped over and looking lazy (Soft Peaks), or pointing straight up and holding it's shape (Stiff Peaks).

Soft Peaks

• At this point, you’ll want to add the Powdered Sugar and Vanilla Extract, also the Cocoa Powder if you’re using it.

Stiff Peaks

You’re adding the sugar, vanilla and possibly cocoa at this point and not in the beginning because just like the cold bowl, you’re letting the cream get to the highest volume it can reach. If you add stuff to the cream before you start whisking, it’s going to be harder to incorporate more air into it. So at this stage, depending on the quality and temperature, the cream should have near doubled in size, which is ideal, so it’s the perfect time to add the flavor with no fear of holding back the fluff.

• Continue whisking and be vigilant because once you reach soft peaks, it doesn't take much to attain stiff peaks. If you’ve been watching, you will definitely notice the difference. Once you hit stiff peaks you’re done. Confirm it by lifting the whisk up to see your pointy, thick and fluffy awesomeness. You don’t want to go any further because you can easily over beat the cream and break it down until you make butter. So unless you’re running low and love buttered toast in the morning, you’re done.

It can keep in your fridge for a day, maybe even good the next day depending on the conditions. If you see it getting runny or losing its hold, just whisk it again and it should perk right up like new.

There you go, Whipped Cream! Taste it, love it, rub it on your body, I don’t care. Just do us both a favor and don’t buy that ready made stuff anymore. I’m sure you agree how insanely simple this is, not to mention better for you.

Kind of.